Sometimes life throws a curveball. Something hits you unexpectedly and changes the path you’ve been treading. Thats what happened to me in the first week of February 2026. I collapsed and was diagnosed with a Pulmonary Embolism. Overnight I went from being a healthy individual to being completely incapacitated. It was a shock.
Initially horizontal for 20 days or so, incapable of doing anything at all other than take pills, sleep, and eat food when it was put in front of me, was frustrating. My body was broken and my mind wasn’t far behind. I’ve read that when you go through any major trauma, you go through the 7 stages of grief….Your head does weird stuff. Mine did.
I lay there, questioning everything. Why has this happened? What had I done with my life? How and why, am I still here? What will I do with the precious days I have left on the planet? With no answers to anything, I also questioned if I’d ever make music again. I mustered up the energy to get the last songs I’d almost finished online. I guess I’m happy with the last mixes, they were close to finished. Those three songs are online as ‘The Space between spaces’ EP.
Continuing to find myself horizontal for a number of weeks, I spent a lot of time staring out of the lounge window at the birds coming and going to the large tree over the road, and the clouds drifting bye almost always right to left. I kind of joked to myself that there must be something wrong if the clouds were going in the other direction! One day it was sunny and raining at the same time, and the rain kind of fell in slow motion across the breeze; soft rain I called it. That view will stay with me forever. The mind can overthink in such circumstances when faced with our own mortality. I’m now much more thankful for each day on the planet.
Sunny days and soft rain, take my mind off the pain, hope one day all this will pass.
At the start of the year, before my health took a nose dive, I had a few half-finished songs and some ideas knocking around, but no real direction. Unable to focus on anything for long, but craving some creative output, I put some new ideas into my MacBook. Some song ideas formed. As I became a little more mobile, I was able to sit at my main workstation for short sessions and start creating again. The songs evolved over the next 3 months, and I replaced sounds with live instruments where appropriate and when energy levels allowed. Out of several songs finished and half finished, three fitted together nicely and document part of my healing journey so far; available online as the ‘Alive’ EP.
Still on the road to recovery and creating most days. More music to come.
